I awake to the brightness of morning and the frost of another day. A smile on my face, yet still lost in my own space. Its been a while but for good reason. One, news cycles run about 48 hours and after a vacation it can be hard to double dutch back into it. Two, I be drunk sometimes. So here with more bad news, bad jokes, and overall just bad...your buddy and my 4th of 5 personalities. Safire Jin.
Some of this dates back a day or two but you dont care do you? Didn't think so.
CNN reports there are photos that prove of Glacier Meltdown. The Himalayan Glaciers are slowly melting one report says. Yet there are no true measurements that they can give us. So 1, they have pictures but appearently they left the ruler and math at home. 2, ice cubes melt. The End.
A report from Drudge states that Haiti has thousands eating, sleeping, washing,and deficating in open camps. They should be thankful Americans pay hunderds of dollars at Club Med for that and shitty food.
The I-Phone has come out with a new application that translates babies cries for parents. They can decifer 5 distinct yells; hungry, annoyed, tired, stressed, and bored. There was a 6th but the makers of the I-Phone didn't feel "Just being a needy bitch" wasn't appropriate.
Speaking of balls.....
A bowling alley owner has been charged with arson after setting fire to a rival bowling alley. (pause to prepare for bombing) When asked the local police said it was easy to "pin" it to him. They also stated the crime seemed to be right up his "alley". When asked how he felt after being arrested the man said "I feel good. It feels like I have had an 8lb ball lifted off my shoulders".
This just in, Gay teen Worried he might be a Christian.
And finally, Holiday Inn has started a new service in 2 of the largest hotels they own in England. Human Bed Warmers (I can't make this up kids). A hotel employee wears a full body fleece suit. Climbs in your bed prior to laying down and warms it up for you. Researchers show that a warmer bed does help so I am sure your asking why not heaters or extra blankets. Me too. Either way with that program installed Hilton has announced it has 3 new programs to counter Holiday Inn for their guests to take advantage of. The toliet seat closers, The tampon removers, and the check for an adams apple before buying program.
You will soon get to see Mr. Jin live on the web. Stay tuned for that.
1\5 of vodka, puke on Debra's desk. Pass out in the sewer, meet a giant fish. Harassment lawsuit, No promotion. Wear a tie, suck a dudes di....nevermind
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment